An unintended cruelty slapping me in the face by your absence, by your silence.
A dead end sign freshly posted in front of the starting line I stood before for hours.
A flash back of little hints given when you were close enough we could have whispered anything but never did, quickly vagued by a cloud of pretentious contradiction.
A guilty skipped heartbeat. Several skipped heartbeats as a matter of fact.
Yellow, black, white, and gray. Black, white and now a dull dull gray, like an upset sky holding tears back.
Jealousy that leaked, which only those who pay close attention can smell.
Why would you thank me for saying hi.
Why did you try to find me after I found you with her.
It was wrong to pull you and then push you away, repeatedly. You left because I pushed you away. I pushed harder because I myself couldn't leave. Now that you're gone, I like to pretend I left first.
I like to pretend.
That I'm fine.
That I never cared about you.
That it's better this way.
But I'm miserable.
Miserable from a heartache only I know about.
(Got it from Kasmyr Rei)